I’m not sure if there’s anything scarier than going about an amazing day only to have your mind give ideas for ways you could end your life. When the brain lets you know all of the ways that you’re failing as an individual, how you’ll never reach those successes, and that you should just quit already. It’s brutal.
There’s not a single person I know that looks forward to these suicidal ideations coming to the forefront of the mind. It’s an experience that has brought me to sobbing tears too many times to count.
You deserve to be here.
Whether or not you’re where you’d like to be at in life, you are worthy of being here.
Our mind can shove back every limiting belief anyone has ever projected onto us from our youth to adulthood and make us believe they’re coming from us. Don’t believe it.
You are right on time. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Even when it feels like you’re hitting one “L” after another, if you’re getting 1% better each day, you’re doing amazing.
Society likes to put so much pressure on us, when in reality we were never meant to do it all.
I’ve done most of my adulthood alone, and it’s exhausting.
I’ve reached a level of burnout I didn’t know was even possible, having to work on healing my inner teenager, and understanding big T and little t trauma. It is a process, but a worthy one.
I say all of this to share that you can still live life despite suicidal ideations. As I’ve worked through these different areas in my life, I’ve been able to address these thoughts as the person that lives rent free in my head, choosing not to claim the energy, even though it hurts. Even though these are thoughts I don’t wish to have, even when they feel so tempting… I remember that they aren’t me.
I remember that I have so much more to live for. There are so many beautiful life experiences I have to enjoy, friendships to be had, places to see. It isn’t over yet. The best is yet to come.
If you’re someone that can relate to this post,
I would like to leave you with some references in addition to some of the other posts I linked above.
The first is the Mental Health America screening: https://screening.mhanational.org/
This website has questionnaires relating to PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc, and references for moving forward.
Attending therapy, whether in the form of EMDR or talk therapy can prove to be incredibly beneficial.
Spending time in nature to ground yourself, meditation, and breathwork are also helpful.
Depending on your level of trauma history and beliefs around herbal medicine, a number of people I’ve spoken with have nothing but the highest regard for ayahuasca treatment, psilocybin, and variations of marijuana. Of course keep legalities of your state in mind, and use responsibly, under supervision. Just like any other form of medication, it’s important to be aware of how these are affecting you. You can also speak to your provider about other pharmaceutical options and see what is best for your health. Some other programs I’ve come across include Ketamine assisted therapy clinics. It’s important to find an option that meets both your time and your financial needs, but is also beneficial.
We are all on our own individual healing journey, with that comes individual treatment plans that work best for our needs. If you don’t feel you’re being heard or seen how you’d like, don’t hesitate to find another doctor, to try another method, because you deserve to have more good days than bad.
Sending you a world of love,
Mel
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